Lessons Learned Between Planning My First and Second Weddings

Lori just got married and is going to be share some articles, tips and thinking from her own experience. (She recently wrote an article on Modern Apizza!)

Planning a wedding is a monumental task, often filled with equal parts excitement and stress. My first wedding was organized in six months when I was in my early twenties. Unfortunately, that marriage didn’t last. However I did find ‘the one whom my soul loves”, and we recently got married. This time I had a full year to plan. Between my first and second weddings, I discovered several invaluable lessons that made planning the second one more enjoyable, efficient, and meaningful. Here are the key takeaways:

What Matters Most

In my first wedding, I got caught up in the minutiae, stressing over every tiny detail. By the time I planned my second wedding in my forties, I had a clearer perspective on what truly mattered: the love we shared and the people who celebrated it with us. Focusing on these core elements made the planning process more heartfelt and less stressful.

Better Coordination of Colors

Wedding Rings and weddings

For my first wedding, I picked a color scheme but struggled with coordinating everything perfectly. I chose cranberry for the bridesmaids’ dress color, but I couldn’t find decorations to match the shade (or anything close to) so I ended up with a lot of purple mixed in. In the end I felt the colors clashed and I wasn’t happy about it. The second time around, I chose three shades of blue for their dresses with white and beige accents that naturally complemented each other, making the overall aesthetic more cohesive and visually appealing without the need for obsessive matching.

Dress Flexibility for Bridesmaids

Instead of dictating a specific dress for my bridesmaids, as I did the first time around, I allowed them the second time to choose their own dresses within the color scheme. This not only made them more comfortable but also added a beautiful, personalized touch to the bridal party’s appearance.

A Better Place to Get Ready

For my first wedding I got dressed in a church classroom. Getting ready in a cramped, unprepared, chaotic space added unnecessary stress to my day. This time around I rented an Airbnb with a well-lit bedroom for me to get ready, an office for others to get dressed, a kitchen with a spread of food and beverages, a living room for people to relax and play music, and extra space for the hair and makeup team to do their magic. This small change made such a significant difference in creating a calm, enjoyable atmosphere. My new husband and I went back and stayed the night there after the wedding, as well.

Letting Go of the Phone

On my first wedding day, my phone was a constant source of distraction as people were texting well wishes and asking questions. For this wedding, I entrusted my phone to my maid of honor (my daughter), allowing me to stay present and enjoy the moment. This simple act helped me focus on the day and not on minor logistical issues.

The Importance of a Schedule

A well-structured schedule kept everything running smoothly during my second wedding. I didn’t even think to have a schedule for the first one. Having a detailed timeline this time around ensured that all key moments were captured best as possible and minimized any last-minute chaos.

Self-Care: Eating and Drinking

In the whirlwind of my first wedding, I barely ate or drank all day, leading to fatigue and not feeling well. This time, I prioritized self-care by ensuring I had snacks and I stayed hydrated, which kept my energy levels up and allowed me to feel great and fully enjoy the day.

Budget Decor

Both weddings had a tight decor budget. The first wedding I shopped mostly at a local craft store and a party store, and the overall look felt cheap. Thanks to Pinterest and online shopping, I realized this time that budget-friendly decor is now easy to obtain and can be beautiful if done right- I carefully chose simple yet elegant decorations that looked stunning without breaking the bank.

Real vs. Artificial Flowers

While real flowers are beautiful and smell lovely, I found that high-quality artificial flowers offered the same aesthetic appeal with less hassle and lower cost. They were easier to manage, and the savings could be allocated elsewhere. I also can keep them for a long time after (without having to have them pressed).

Intimate Guest List

My first wedding had close to 270 guests- we both had big families and a lot of friends. I loved having everyone there to celebrate with us, but it made planning and budgeting very stressful and expensive. Now that I am older and keep a much smaller circle, a limited guest list created a more intimate, personal atmosphere.

Importance of Photos and Videos

Photos capture the special moments that go by so fast in real time. My first wedding we had a close friend take our photos and they unfortunately didn’t come out. I had no posed photos- or any photos, for that matter- of the two of us to look back on. I ended up asking guests for duplicates of what they took, which I am grateful for, but as a bride I had my heart set on those beautiful wedding photos of my husband and me. For the second wedding, I made sure I put a priority on pictures and hired two amazing people to take them for us. I also ensured someone recorded key moments on video. These recordings are precious, as the day passes by quickly and many details can be forgotten.

Timing the Honeymoon

After my first wedding, we left the next morning for the honeymoon, which turned out a little chaotic and overwhelming. The second time, we planned a few days between the wedding and the honeymoon. This break allowed us to get things settled at the house, reflect on the wedding, and prepare for our trip, making the honeymoon more relaxing.

Recruiting More Help

I took the term Do-It-Yourself way too literal for the first wedding and did everything on my own- made the bouquets, centerpieces, guest keepsakes, aisle flowers, I designed the invitations, you name it. This left me overly stressed during the entire time leading up to the wedding, and on the day of, as I didn’t have a wedding assistant so I was more focused on if everything was going smoothly than on having fun. For my second wedding, I recruited a friend who is a wedding coordinator to be my assistant and to oversee all details on the special day, and I delegated other tasks to trusted friends. This teamwork lightened my load and ensured everything ran as planned while I enjoyed my day.

In the end, the lessons learned between planning my first and second weddings were invaluable. By focusing on what truly mattered, improving organization, and incorporating personal touches, the second wedding came together with so much less pressure and I had a lot more fun because of it. Embracing these insights can help any couple create a wedding day that is as stress-free and enjoyable as possible.